If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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