Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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