WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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