you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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