guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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