We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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