but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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