He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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