You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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