all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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