You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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