I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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