I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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