just come out here and I will go home with you...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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