You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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