I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize