what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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