My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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