You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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