capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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