I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize