Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize