you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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