Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize