She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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