I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I didn't notice because vodka
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
