I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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