You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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