Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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