I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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