I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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