She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize