college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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