Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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