so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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