Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
These tits shall not be calmed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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