After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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