I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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