something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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