I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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