Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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