I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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