He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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