Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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