For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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