im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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