You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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