Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize