Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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