I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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