none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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