my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize